Telling a Mature Guy That You’re Not Interested after the 1st Date

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I honestly believe that I am someone who really takes into consideration a mans feelings when it comes to dating. Especially when it comes to letting mature man know I’m not interested in seeing him further. I really hate it, and I am horrible at it. Its pure torture. I probably put more energy into sweating about telling a guy than any energy he puts in after I tell him. It’s ridiculous.

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I know honesty is the best policy, but its still torture. So you start out saying "you’re a really great guy…then "the BUT" comes in. They usually know its coming because you start out that way. It’s hard because people don’t want to be the barrier of bad news. This is why men sometimes just disappear, because they don’t want to deal with it. It’s easier to hide. I decided to ask my dear friend Evan Marc Katz, dating coach, what his thoughts are on the subject. 

After 1-2 dates: Evan recommends using email. At first I was quite surprised by his answer, thinking that its a cold way to tell someone. But when we talked more he explained neither one of you has really any investment, so there is no need to do anything more. The goal is to do it in the most simple, pain-free and clear way. He doesn’t deserve a breakup conversation.

Example: "Dear XX, I had a really great time hanging out with you, you seem like a great guy, I just wasn’t feeling the spark necessary to move forward. I wish you the best of luck in your search. I’m sure you’re going to make some woman very happy one day. Best wishes…."
Evan says "You don’t have to get into a statement of details of why, its classy, polite and complimentary. It leaves no room for interpretation. You’re not being rude by doing this. Rude, is the girl that takes his calls and says she’s going to see him again, and then avoids him.

A good way to look at it is to put myself in his shoes. If a mature guy went on a date with me, would I prefer he:
1) Tell me on the phone he’s not interested.
2) Write me an email.
3) Not tell me anything, but avoid me.

I would definitely say "2". I think it would be easier to read it in an email, it seems more harsh actually to hear him say the words, especially if I liked him. But still much prefer #1 over #3 avoiding me or dropping of the face-of-the-earth.

Evan also says after three dates or if there was physical intimacy, this deserves a phone conversation.

I understand that "men are from venus and women mars", but I never really thought of the simple solution of just putting myself in his shoes to find my answer. Simple enough.

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